When we are in a personal transformation journey, we plan, start the self transformation process with enthusiasm and positivity… and the comes the self sabotage. Ever wonder why we self sabotage?
You know, that extra piece of cake we often eat after weeks of dieting. That mindless social media scrolling instead of getting rest. Today we’re talking about self-sabotage, why we do it and how to stop self-sabotaging yourself.
In the past I used to create strict routines for myself to not self-sabotage myself, but I quickly learned that this doesn’t work every time. What works instead is inner work.
What Is Inner Work
Inner work is basically a deconstruction process. When human babies are born, we are alike with different spices, but we are also different in some aspects. Human beings are born with a very clean slate. We know how to cry and suckle our mama’s breast. But beyond that we are a clean slate. We can learn that people will show up for us or they won’t. This is a beautiful thing, but there’s also a lot of cons with that.
So let’s talk about why everyone is addicted to certain emotions. Our childhood environment creates our distortions that later become our personality codes. You may be 35 and a certain belief system doesn’t serve anymore to you, but it’s still there. That becomes you vibration. Everyone on the planet is addicted to certain emotions. Some people are addicted to abundance and some people are addicted to scarcity, fear, abandonment and there’s a range in between. So you need to do this deconstructing process so you can change your default vibration and your current identity.
When you start doing your inner work, know that resistance is part of the process. Every time that that happens, just try to get back in touch with spirit and source by saying to yourself “I allow this to be easy and I allow this to be fun”.
You don’t have to be born into the perfect circumstances. Whatever has happened to you, you can choose a new and different reality for yourself.
The Intersection of Identities
When you aim to transform yourself in a certain area of life there are two identities in your: your current one and your new identity. The version of you that has that thing already is a complete different identity. While the current personality doesn’t want to change and keeps working in its own ways. It doesn’t want to go out and try new experiences, think in new ways. Sometimes we even talk ourselves out of it.
When a desire shows up, the new identity shows up. The new version of you has different ways of thinking and embodiment. While the old personality finds justifications to not have it. For a moment there is an intersection of identities. You have to let for a moment both versions of you live in you. When your new identity is too weak, your new identify will fake an illness to show you a sign that you should’t live as your new identity and self-sabotage.
One example is when you’re trying to lose weight. Your current identity will say things like you only live once, working out is too masculine. For a moment there is this intersection of identities. Which one wins is completely up to you. Both of those parts of you are the self and you have to choose the one that you are really available for now and the one who you are not available anymore.
The minute you say there is no way in hell that I’m going back to that identity anymore, the intersection is just your new personality. You have to make that decision completely non-negotiable. Something literally changes in your identity to make your old identity die. If the old identity is there, there is a chance of self-sabotage. You have to be at that point where you are like, no, that version of me does not exist. Your new identity is the one that put the desire in your heart.
How to Not Let Your Old Identity to Self-Sabotage You
So, what I do? How I personally do this? When I have my current identity and I have a new desire that I am not used to, it means that both identities are residing on me. I’ll first recognize that a new desire has shown in my heart and I’m now into the intersection of identities. Sometimes the desire shows up by seeing someone else who has it. That’s why I don’t believe in jealousy or envy. When you’re envious of someone it simply means that God is showing you a preview of what you might have too.
Then I start journaling. I will get in my journal and I’ll say: what does this new version of me know that I don’t know? How does she think that’s different from this current identity of me? I’ll journal pages and pages on how does she live and move? What helps in this stage is asking questions to people who already have what I want. Sometimes what is stopping us from becoming who we want to be is very specific. Asking questions to people who have the life that I want has helped me a lot to overcome my limiting beliefs. And people who already have what I want and who I admire are the manifestation of my new identity.
Then I write: what can I do to merge that gap. Can my new identity teach to my old one to have doubts about beliefs that I held closely. She is not like fighting with this version, but she is pocking wholes in my old identity’s core beliefs. No thing is bigger or smaller for the Universe to manifest for us. We just give it significance. When you do this enough it becomes like second nature to you.
When you do this process enough over the years you can do it faster and manifest bigger and bigger. Sometimes we’re in the digestive state and trying to normalize what we have and sometimes a new desire has shown up in our heart.
When you are in the intersection of identities, first just become aware of this.
When two identities show up, write down what does the new identity know that the other one doesn’t know. And what are her core beliefs that are different from the core beliefs of your old identity. So, from this day forward, every time you start self-sabotaging you need to be like, no, no, no, that’s the old identity. We do not want your divine desires to get buried in the grave yard of desires.
Two More Things to Keep in Mind
And remember to turn your complaints into desires. When you’re dissatisfied with something, or even envious of someone as I mentioned earlier, turn your complaint into a desire. Then follow the process described above to turn your desire into reality.
Another important part is to re-arrange your physical environment in a way that is aligned with your new identity. If the new identity shows you, to help her in the physical environment, I’m like, I have to change her environment so it’s easy for her to win. So always work on both planes in the same time. It is so much faster to manifest whatever we desire when we’re working on both planes.
Please follow me on my YouTube channel for more self-tranformation materials in video form: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEXQXdAXyWsbpn4WHklMOMQ
And follow me on my Facebook group to privately connect with me: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1135553887062346
Hi there, this is a great article on transformation! I’m a yoga teacher myself and I really recognize these self-sabotaging patterns that we create or that we have inherited through our lives and family! I’ll definitely check out your youtube channel, because I’d like to investigate more on how to get rid of those toxic patterns that don’t serve me anymore! Do you have any, or are you planning to have, a course or something that might help us in the future?
Yes, I’m planning to create a course on personal transformation for women. I will structure it in the form of challenges for every month of the year, so it can help them transform their life one area at a time. Each month will be focused on transforming one specific are of your life.
I also have created a Facebook group where we can discuss and share our challenges together: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1135553887062346
Hi, I also run a website its called secretgardenofmind.com. written a lot about meditation but manifestation / Loa is something else. I think with Loa I like to think that there is a metaphysical aspect. Had a few experiences that have made me question the nature of reality but actually I do think that there is a very tangible aspect to manifestation like changing your negative habits. It’s like you said changing your outlook on life and your actions can be a sure way to make good things happen.
Hello! It’s wonderful to hear that you’re also contributing to the world of personal growth and mindfulness through your website, Secret Garden of Mind. Meditation is an incredibly valuable practice, and it’s great that you’re providing resources on it.
I completely understand your perspective on the Law of Attraction (LoA). It’s a topic that often straddles the line between the metaphysical and the practical. Many people report experiences that make them question the conventional understanding of how reality works, just like you’ve had. At the same time, there are practical elements to manifestation, such as shifting your mindset and behaviors, which can lead to tangible outcomes.
Like you, I believe that changing one’s outlook and actions can bring about positive changes. Whether or not one subscribes to the metaphysical aspects of the LoA, there’s no denying the power of a positive mindset and the ripple effect it can have on one’s life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and adding to this fascinating discussion. I wish you all the best with your website and your own personal journey of exploration and growth!
I found this article on personal transformation and self-sabotage to be insightful and practical. Your emphasis on inner work as the key to breaking self-sabotaging patterns resonated with me. Your article offers helpful tips on how to identify and challenge negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, as well as how to cultivate self-compassion and mindfulness. Personal transformation is a process that requires time, patience, and persistence. And I believe with consistency, one can achieve the goal set out for personal transformation. Because everything starts from the mind, you can only give out based on what’s on your inside. Great article here!
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful feedback! I’m delighted to hear that the article resonated with you, especially on the importance of inner work in overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors.
You’re absolutely right about the need for time, patience, and persistence in the journey of personal transformation. It’s a long-term commitment to oneself, and consistency is indeed key.
Your point about everything starting from the mind is spot-on. Our inner world shapes our external experiences, so nurturing a healthy mental and emotional landscape is crucial for any meaningful change to take place.
I’m glad that you found the tips on challenging negative self-talk and cultivating mindfulness useful. Your input adds another layer of depth to the discussion, and I’m sure other readers will benefit from your insights.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Best wishes on your own path toward personal transformation!